“The best revenge is to have enough self-worth not to seek it,” Wayne Watson. This simple quote hit me in the driveway while I was shoveling eight inches of snow before I had to go to work the day after my husband of twenty years had just told me that he wanted a divorce. He told me that he was going to his “parent’s house” to go think about what his next steps were going to be. I put his parent’s house in quotation marks because his kids and I found out via social media that he was on his way to Florida. Long story short, he left me for another woman he had been talking to for awhile and that we both had known prior. It didn’t work out there and he came back to his home state a few months later. He caused a lot of damage in this process. Damage that he to this day has yet to fix or thinks he has to fix.
Getting back to shoveling the eight inches of snow...I was balling my eyes out, cursing his name and trying to figure out how I was going to get through this. What was I going to tell the kids? How was I going to survive financially? Why is this snow so f*#king heavy and how did I get so out of shape? I was angry with myself for letting this man take a hold of me in this way. How could I allow this to happen? I was not going to let this defeat me. I decided at that moment to change my outlook on life. I am not going to mope around and feel sorry for myself. I definitely was going to file for divorce. I put the house up for sale. I needed a new job where I made more money. The company where I was at had an opening for a management position. I went for it. Guess what? I got it and it was the best thing that happened to me as far as career choices go.
Divorce process started, check! House for sale, check! New job making more money, check! The next thing I needed to do for myself was to get in shape and lose weight. I started to watch what I ate and exercise daily. As the weight slowly came off, I felt a better version of myself come back to life. I felt my personality change, I felt more positive, and a shift started to happen. This of course had it’s bad days as well. I did have moments where I had to go take a “shower” to cry in order to let it all out. I had to stay strong for my kids. I had to keep my s@#t together. They needed a strong parent, a mentally put together parent, and a parent that they could rely on. In those healing moments there will be good days and bad days we just need to know that those bad days will pass. We need to stay focused on the good and keep our minds positive with our goals in mind.
I have lost 126 pounds in a year and a half, I have a great career in healthcare, and I have started to date. (Be on the lookout for that blog!) I have a child who received a “full ride” scholarship to go to college to pursue a degree in speech pathology. My youngest is still in high school but doing well. They both have gone to counseling and will most likely continue this moving forward so that they can have healthy relationships with whoever they decide to be with. The counselor did pay me a compliment and told me that I am doing a great job playing both roles of mom and dad. That simple yet powerful quote, “The best revenge is to have enough self-worth not to seek it,” rings true in my life. I do not wish ill will towards my ex-husband. I am a believer in karma and I do not want any of that coming my way because karma never fails to give us what we deserve.
Guest Author: Jenn S.